Amurrica the Beautiful

A Good Story

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Happy President’s Day and Other Important Folks Day

  • Major props to the Mayflower peops for establishing a holiday that sucks for vegetarians.
  • A huge thank you to the Salem community for giving my hero, Nicholas Cage, the idea for Season of the Witch.
  • God bless the Founding Fathers for inventing ‘murrica. I’m lookin’ at you, George. Makin’ them dollas rain on them Red Coat hoes.
  • Ben, despite your nerdy bifocals, you make American men jealous of your lightning rod.
  • Pretty good investment, Tommy, in buying 1/3 of ‘murrica. 
  • Thank you, Andrew Jackson, for showing those Indians-not-from-India who’s boss.

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Filed under President's Day president George Washington Kennedy Thomas Jefferson Barack Obama George Bush Ronald Ronald Reagan

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Toyota Prius 1 Biodegrades

In 2001, Toyota unveiled the first generation of Priuses. Back then, the Prius only appealed to the metro-sexual progressive crowd like Jim Helpburn, an aesthetically-challenged environmentalist.

According to Jim, his Prius ran quieter than an air conditioner on low and smoother than a man’s waxed legs. The main selling point of his Prius was that it averaged 45+ MPG. It was the most earth-friendly car in the world, but as he later discovered, this was just not meant to be a lifelong commitment. 

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Filed under Toyota Prius The Lord of the Rings Hobbit Gollum Environment Biodegrade Car Japan World War

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Mother Theresa Sent to Hell by Rival God, a PR Move

In what is becoming an incredibly confusing religious mix-up, Mother Theresa has been sent to Hell by Hindu macho man Lord Krishna. Analysts from a religiously neutral atheist group have confirmed the ‘Mother Theresa being sent to hell’ part by producing very convincing evidence to both the Order of the Gurus and the Catholic Church. The evidence consists of scratch marks over the Christian Cross over her gravestone, dated 11/11/11; the perpetrator a clear fan of the symmetrically appearing number one followed by a slash mark, and repeating. There are also cursive carvings that read, “You’re goin down, Mutha!”

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Filed under Christianity God Hell Hinduism Krishna Mother Theresa Bollywood

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The Dalai Lama’s World of Warcraft Account May Be Cancelled

For 99% of RPG players, the story is the same:  obtaining quests, journeying into the unknown, completing extraordinarily mundane tasks, slaying any jerks along the way, gaining experience points to level up and having nerd conversations with the only friends you have, online. For some, however, this concept is not so simple, like the Dalai Lama who seems to have gotten it backwards.

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Filed under World of Warcraft RPG Dalai Lama Blizzard Orcs